Ensui
Ensui is the TLDR's token cripple. Since an accident took away the use of his legs, he spends his time rolling back and forth in his customized wheelchair and posting on the TLDR. There are rumours that he is bi-curious, rumours propagated by his tendency to admire women with male haircuts and clothing. Ensui rolls with his bros, Fugs and Pheerbeard, who protect the little cripple from the harsh realities of the world. History Origins Ensui is the single child of an unlikely pairing. His father, Lars, was a coal miner. His mother, Louise, was a perfume salesmen at the local mall. They met when one day Lars accidentally entered the store where Louise worked, and was soon overpowered by the stench of a thousand fragrances, rendering him unconcious. Louise dragged the sleeping beast to safety, and managed to resuscitate him. They instantly made love there on the floor, and little Ensui was conceived that very day. Lars, being an honourable real man, married Louise when they discovered she was pregnant with his seed, and it was not long before Ensui was born. Early Life As Ensui began to grow, Lars was often away working the mines for weeks at a time, leaving him to be raised by his mother. As a result, he was raised a little too feminine, taking to enjoying the fragrances of his mother's sample perfumes and also taking an interest in dance. It had always been a dream of Louise's to become a dancer, but it was an unrealized fantasy. However, she would often perform in the comfort of the living room, mostly choreographing complex routines to the sound of her favourite band, The Backstreet Boys. Ensui's childhood was filled with the sounds from the five man group, and quickly became his favourite music group as well. Even before he could walk, he would lay on the ground next to his dancing mother and kind of twitch on the ground in an attempt to dance along. At the age of 6, Ensui was up and dancing with his mother, and it was probably the happiest time of the small child's life. However, it was at this time that the mine Lars worked at was shut down, and Lars was suddenly out of work. Forced to survive on the paltry income from Louise's perfume job, Lars became increasingly grumpy. He learned what Ensui and his mother had been up to, and denounced his son's actions and The Backstreet Boys as "gay poofter shit". While Louise was at work, Lars took it upon himself to fix his broken son by beating the "gay" out of him. He was drivin to drinking heavily to cope with both the loss of his job and the fact that his son seemed irreversibly gay. At school, Ensui began several activities, playing soccer, track running, and cycling, but most important of all, taking place in the school's dance program. Eventually he became part of a school production to be put on for parents one night. Lars and Louise went along to watch their son. Lars only agreed to attend the affair after the better part of a bottle of scotch, and he didn't go quietly. During the performance, there was a constant stream of homophobic diatribe being yelled at the children on stage, but they soldiered on to complete the performance spectacularly. At the end, an award was given to the best dancer in the group, and Ensui won. Lars flew into a violent rage, storming the stage, picking up his son, and screaming obscenities at the entire audience, calling them a "bunch of fucking gay ass faggots". He then took his wife and his son home. Louise and Lars had a long argument that night over Lars' behaviour, but eventually Lars put his woman in her place and continued to discipline his son, hoping to drive the homosexuality out of him. He banned Ensui from dancing ever again, and destroyed all his Backstreet Boys albums. The Accident By the age of 10, Ensui had learned to keep his dancing life secret from his father. He'd practice wherever he could; at school, in the toilet, in the shower, wherever his father was unlikely to find him. Unfortunately, during a dance session in the shower while using the bar of soap as a microphone, he attempted an overly-vigourous dance move. It caused him to drop the soap and accidentally step on it. He fell, shattering his way through the glass shower door and landing back-first on the door frame. Glass severed his spinal chord and the door frame crushed his vertebrae. He was taken to hospital immediately, but doctors were unable to save his spine. He would live, but he would never walk again. After The Accident Ensui was devastated. All his favourite activities were denied him, and his one true love, dancing, was now a distant memory that he could never relive. Ensui went into a deep depression, even though the event had left his father with little reason to beat him any longer. His grades at school plummeted, and his teachers complained to Lars and Louise about his attitude. It was around this time that The Backstreet Boys announced they would be "taking a break" from each other and their music. The news shattered Ensui's mother, and was just another painful dissappointment that Ensui was forced to endure from the seat of his wheelchair. The news impacted Louise hard, and she took to drinking. Soon, she lost her job as well, and both Lars and Louise were drinking like sailors, living off the government handouts they received due to little Ensui's condition. A couple of years passed, and the pain got too much for Louise. She skulled a bottle of scotch, stole Ensui's wheelchair, and wheeled herself off of a cliff, ending the pain she had been suffering since the loss of her beloved music group. The saddest part of this entire event was that mere hours after her death, The Backstreet Boys announced that they would be reuniting once more, despite expectations they would never join up again. The Final Straw In her will, Louise had left what small cash reserves she had managed to save to her son. With the announcement of The Backstreet Boys reuniting, and a sudden source of money, he decided to spend it all on a backstage pass to the reunion concert as a tribute to his mother, and in the hopes of finally turning his depressing life around. However, things did not go as planned. Ensui managed to reach the concert, his father did not try to stop him. Lars was now practically incapacitated all day every day due to the levels of alcohol he was now drinking, keeping what he had been consuming but also consuming the booze that Louise had been indulging in. When Ensui reached the concert, he took up position at the entrance to backstage immediately. He missed the whole concert just to be first in line to enter the backstage area after the concert, and meet the only heroes he had in life. He was doing it for both himself and his mother. However, the concert finished and Ensui was admitted, but the stage was raised. 5 steps stood between him and his idols, and it was an obstacle he could not overcome. He pleaded with the organizers to get The Backstreet Boys to come and see him, but they refused to leave their room full of male groupies to visit some kid in a wheelchair. Ensui resolved to wait at the bottom of the stairs for the group to leave, but The Backstreet Boys took a back door, as was their custom, and bypassed Ensui completely. Ensui Reborn After the concert debacle, Ensui decided to follow his mother's footsteps and end the pain once and for all. He entered the realm of the internet to research a method of suicide. His search managed to direct him to a thread on the TLDR about committing suicide. Ensui didn't know the thread was merely a joke, so he signed up to the forum and began taking place in the conversation. He was ridiculed as a "newfag" and was being pushed even futher into the dark mindset of suicide, but he was rescued by a pair of unlikely heroes. Fugs and Pheerbeard took pity on this tiny wheelchair-ridden child, taking him under their wing and including them in an impromptue posse. Unknowingly, by this gesture of acceptance, they had saved the young cripple's life. Present Day Life Ensui is now a regular at the TLDR, having gained a new appreciation for life from its pages. His homosexual childhood has left him a bi-curious oddity, with various members of the TLDR community having wagered on which way he will finally swing. The TLDR has generally welcomed Ensui, opening a door to a plethora of cripple jokes that simply were not possible before Ensui's arrival. He still tags along behind his saviours, Fugs and Pheerbeard, but is also able to, no pun intended, stand on his own two feet against attacks by other TLDR members for short periods at a time. Notable Quotes *why do all the good hoodies only come in womens? *i got a haircut but im not postin it cause i look like a dyke cause the bangs are too short for now *shoot sum niggaz pow pow *shaving around your ANUS isnt that hard the first time you do it youll be amazed at how much hair there is Category:People Category:TLDR Members